Finding True Love
Don’t we all hope to find true love?
To love and be loved unconditionally by the one person who makes you happy? To find understanding and recognition for who you are in the gaze of that one person who’s willing to spend the rest of their lives at your side?
Ironically, we seem to do everything in our power not to find that person. Or rather: we do everything not to be ourselves, which in turn means that the one true love out there will never be able to recognize us for who we are. Because we’re so used to disguise our true selves. We put on a mask, we play a role, we bend to the expectations of others, we conform. How can you hope to find true love if you don’t give your potential loved one the chance to see you truly and undisguised?
We try to overcome these innate feelings of deficiency and inediquacy by pretending to be who we are not. We upload flattering images of ourselves on Instagram that don’t reflect our true lives. We try to shape ourselves physically in the gym in order to attain the dream body we think we need in order to be loveable. We take self-help courses and follow life-coaches because we feel we’re not quite there yet — not quite where we want to be. We’re trying to improve ourselves to death rather than embracing who we are and finding the courage to show our real selves.
It’s what I call the “if-only mindset.” If only I had that promotion, if only I lost 10 pounds, if only I owned that new iPhone or dream car or beach house, THEN… Our whole consumer society is geared towards that magical THEN. Let me tell you: it’s an empty promise. It’ll never come. The advertisement industry is geared to evoke in you anxiety (“I need that!”) and envy (“I want that, too!”) for you to go purchase this or that item because, you’re told, it will change your life and make you happy. Otherwise you’ll miss out. Guess what: you won’t.
The quest for perfection, the desire to immunize yourself against the contingencies of life with money and fame, with the help of this or that purchase, will eventually leave you unfulfilled. Why do you think so many rich people are so miserable? They’re miserable because they haven’t realized that the key to a happy and successful life lies not in their wallets but within them.
So, if you want to meet the love of your life, the one person that makes you truly happy, stop hiding. Make yourself visible. Show your face. Show your self. Have the audacity to spurn the expectations of others and find the courage to connect to your inner self. Without shame, without guilt, without apology: be extraordinary. Everything else is a way of self-sabotage.
And remember: “The perfection of the one we love is not an illusion of love. To the contrary, to love somebody constitutes the privilege to notice a perfection that remains invisible to other eyes.” Yet for someone to recognize that you’re perfect, you must first show your actual self to the world — with all your natural perfection to be recognized and loved.
— Felix Grisebach is the co-founder of the Arkadia Academy for Self-Discovery™ in Santa Monica, Calif.
